Military’s New Drone Powered by Social Media Likes

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Written By evan

Head untalented writer, slightly below-average intelligence, with a knack for making up stories that are not at all true.

In an unprecedented move that has left Silicon Valley in shock, the Pentagon has unveiled its latest technological marvel: a military drone powered entirely by social media likes.

The new MQ-9 ‘LikeHawk’ Reaper, as it’s been christened, no longer requires traditional fuel sources. Instead, the cutting-edge drone harnesses the raw energy of online validation, drawing power from likes, retweets, and the occasional heart react.

“The more viral the content, the more operational time for the drone,” explained Lieutenant General Ashton Reynolds at a press conference on Tuesday. “We’re confident that the American people will like, share, and comment their way to national security.”

In addition to drastically reducing the military’s carbon footprint, the LikeHawk offers several unique advantages. The drone’s payload, for instance, depends on the level of engagement a post receives. A well-performing meme could potentially unlock devastating firepower.

“We have found that cat videos, particularly those involving lasers, generate enough likes to power the drone for several hours. And as for the payload, let’s just say we’re banking on the next ‘Dank Meme Stash’ drop.”

Lieutenant General Ashton Reynolds

Despite the innovative technology, critics have raised concerns about the new system’s reliability, citing the unpredictable nature of social media trends.

In response, the Pentagon has assured the public that they’ve diversified their ‘like’ portfolio. “We’re not just relying on Facebook and Twitter,” clarified Reynolds. “We’re tapping into everything: Instagram, TikTok, even LinkedIn. In fact, we’ve found that endorsements on LinkedIn provide a significant boost to our tactical capabilities.”

The Pentagon also revealed plans to launch a series of military-themed influencers to keep the LikeHawk drones airborne. These influencers, dubbed ‘InstaGenerals,’ will be responsible for creating engaging content to fuel the fleet.

“We’re still working out the kinks,” admitted Reynolds. “Our first attempt at a viral TikTok dance didn’t quite take off. But we’re confident that once we get the hang of it, the ‘flossing’ technique will be a game-changer.”

As the press conference concluded, the Pentagon urged citizens to do their part for national security by engaging with military social media content. “Remember,” said Reynolds, pointing to the new “Like for Freedom” campaign banner, “your likes are now our country’s first line of defense.”

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