Family Plans Trip Abroad, Develops ‘Know Your Cartel’ Guide to Navigate Mexican Vacation”

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Written By evan

Head untalented writer, slightly below-average intelligence, with a knack for making up stories that are not at all true.

After years of pandemic-induced hibernation, the Smith family is finally planning their first trip abroad. Destination: Mexico. Their unique approach to safety? A comprehensive, DIY guide to recognizing and steering clear of local cartels.

“It’s simple, really,” explained dad and self-declared safety officer, Bob Smith. “If you know the difference between the Sinaloa and the Zetas, you can make educated decisions about where to set up your beach umbrella.”

The Smiths have meticulously compiled their guide using hours of research, a patchy understanding of Spanish, and a surprising number of Netflix documentaries. The result is a colorful, if slightly morbid, tourist guide, complete with flashcards for easy cartel identification.

“Everyone has travel apps for restaurants, sightseeing, and local customs, we thought, why not one for cartels?”

Linda Smith

While some may question the Smiths’ slightly alarmist approach to vacation planning, the family remains undeterred. “Better safe than sorry,” said Bob. “And think of the stories we’ll have for the neighbors!”

As they finalize their preparations, the Smiths are reportedly also developing an advanced bartering system for potential souvenir disputes, a comprehensive guide to identifying edible street food, and a detailed contingency plan for any erupting volcanoes.

In related news, travel agencies are considering adding “cartel knowledge” to their list of recommended travel tips, right after “don’t drink the tap water.”

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