Untrained Female Becomes Navy SEAL Instructor: ‘She Watched All the Documentaries’

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Written By evan

Head untalented writer, slightly below-average intelligence, with a knack for making up stories that are not at all true.

In a surprising deviation from tradition, the Navy SEALs have welcomed their first female instructor, despite her lack of traditional training. When asked about her qualifications, she confidently replied, “I’ve watched all the documentaries.”

Lisa “Netflix” Novak, a former school teacher from Nebraska, has never run a mile in under six minutes, never held her breath underwater for three minutes, and certainly never jumped out of a plane into the open sea. But she has binge-watched every single documentary, movie, and mini-series about the SEALs that has ever been produced.

“Who needs real training when you have Discovery Channel and a comfy couch?” Novak said, adjusting her eyeglasses.

“I’ve seen ‘Lone Survivor’ at least 17 times. I can recite ‘Act of Valor’ by heart. ‘Zero Dark Thirty’? More like zero dark hundred times watched.”

Lisa “Netflix” Novak

The SEALs, well-known for their rigorous training and stringent requirements, have responded with a mixture of shock and grudging respect. “I didn’t think she’d last a day,” confessed one burly SEAL, “but then she corrected my form during a push-up. Turns out she was right.”

Novak’s unconventional approach to training has already begun to shake things up at the SEAL training facility. Morning drills now start with a communal viewing of a SEAL documentary, and trainees are encouraged to discuss tactics and strategies as they would in a film studies class.

“The key is to watch, learn, and then apply,” explained Novak, pointing at her head. “It’s all up here. Plus, you don’t get nearly as many blisters this way.”

Novak’s appointment remains controversial, but if her trainees’ improving scores are any indication, the ‘Netflix Method’ might just have a place in the future of Navy SEAL training.

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